This is What it Sounds Like When Bacon Cries . . . Ssssssssssssssss.

I don’t go a week without eating bacon because that would be cruel and unusual punishment for the bacon receptors in my brain. So today, I reached into my Bacon bin and pulled out:
The Wilted Leaf Salad

My grandfather used to eat these all of the time but, I can honestly say I never had one. The idea of limp lettuce coated in grease seemed a little off to me but I didn’t hold the deep, abiding appreciation for bacon that I do now. I’ll pour a little grease on the curb for you Pawpaw.

The ingredients can certainly vary but today I used the following:
Spinach leaves
Yellow, cherry, and Kumato (I think they’re called) tomatoes
1/2 of an Avocado
1 Tbsp. Of Chia
3 strips of Bacon

I tear my spinach leaves but, you can slice them (or not) if that’s your thing.

I take my handy bacon shears (which were featured in a previous post) and cut my 3 strips of bacon into 1″ pieces above an already hot pan. I cook it at medium low until it reaches the crispness that I desire. Do you hear that? Yes bacon, cry! Cry your deliciousness into my pan. If you listen really closely, you can it whisper, ‘Charlotte.’ So, now that I just lost half of readers with that cruel little nod, on to business.

While the bacon is doing it’s thing I sliced my tomatoes and my avocado.

Once my bacon is cooked through, I pour half of the grease in my collection jar and then pour the remaining grease and bacon right on top of my salad bowl.

I add my Chia and avocado after the grease because they get “cooked” a little and I don’t care for the texture but, you can go nuts with the order. If you mix the ingredients quickly enough you’ll notice the leaves starting to wilt right away. That’s it! No dressing needed! Now, I command you to sit down and enjoy.

Okay, so I’m really sorry about the whole “Charlotte” thing but, if that offended you, you’re probably not going to like at least 60% of my posts so . . . Perhaps I’m not for you.

My Mom Must be cocoNUTS!

Hi. I’m Paleo Papaya and I’m going to talk to you about the most delicious coconut breaded chicken nuggets I’ve ever made. Now, I don’t cook very often so this is a new thing for me. I hope you like this wonderful meal that parents can make with their kids!

Okay, so these coconut breaded chicken nuggets are really good. At first when I saw what they looked like, I thought, Man, this is going to taste bad. Then when I took a bite of it I was like, woah!  It was really good! I really thought it was the best thing in the world! It was like I was from another planet when I tasted these nuggets. Mmm, mmm, mmm, they were oh so good! I really want more nuggets right now. That’s how good they were. It was really hard to try the nuggets but once I did, I felt GREAT! It was amazing! It is the greatest food I have made in my life! Like it was so good I could have asked for more! Parents, this is a good food to make with your kids even if they’re super picky!

My mom will post the recipe for everyone. See all you Cave kids later.

 

 

 

I Am Not cocoNUTS

On Wednesday nights I have my daughter Menia. She is a tween, a picky eater, and really doesn’t like to cook so much as bake delicious goodies. I knew getting her involved would be a challenge but, once I told her she could write whatever she wanted about the food she decided to “come aboard” my intranet thing.

Wednesday night we made Coconut Coated Chicken Nuggets and Fries. It was so easy a kid could do it and other than doing any prep work that involved a knife, she did it all. I also made her do it completely with her hands; which she hated initially but I think the only way to transfer love to your food is by touching it.

For the coating on the chicken we used coconuts flakes. DO NOT buy the bag in the baking aisle, it is loaded with sugar (typically).  I have a Ninja Pro so I just put the flakes in it and with some garlic sea salt and ground it into “bread crumbs” for the chicken to be rolled in.

I sliced up 2 chicken breasts into nugget or mini tender sized pieces which my Papaya then covered in the coconut. We found it coated more evenly when she actualy did roll the chicken around in the crumbs. We did not give the chicken an egg bath prior to being dipped; maybe that would havemade it easier. I also sliced 1 yellow potato and 1 LARGE sweet potato; I peeled both (I save my peels for compost which will be a feature post later in the year). Papaya then tossed the potatoes in some olive oil and placed them haphazardly on the tray.

I set the oven to 400 to preheat, then once the food was placed inside, I dropped it to 375 and allowed it to cook for 25 minutes.  It’s done when the potatoes are able to be easily pierced with a fork. I have a very hot oven and so our chicken was slightly dry. If your oven is the same, my recommendation is that you don’t put the chicken in until 10 minutes of the potato’s time has already passed. Once the food was cooked to completion, we plated it and sat down to eat.

That’s it!

I also boiled some peas for us while the oven food was cooking.

We (Menia Papaya, Luna – my toddler, & I) sat on the floor in the kitchen and ate with our hands because as I stated before it’s more paleo. Don’t worry, it’s clean-ish. Besides in the paleo days they would have had dirt, bugs, and predators to contend with so what’s a little dust.

As soon as I set the plates on the floor, Menia looked at me, “We’re eating on the floor?”

“Yep.”

“With our hands?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s how our ancestor would have done; it’s more paleo.”

“This is FUN. We should do this ALL the time!”

I highly recommend eating on the floor with your children. Throw caution to the wind and live dangerously. Give your family the chance to enjoy a meal without the confines of a kitchen table. Most people sit and eat in living rooms anyway so why not sit together, on the floor, and eat with your hands. Magic happens when you decide to break out of the conventional structures that we are societally programmed with no matter what they are.

Below are pictures of our Magic.

 

Menia was very hesitant to try it but, Luna wasn’t. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luna decided that it was way more paleo to take food from other people plates.

She then decided to actually put her food on the floor before eating it because that was more authentic and that dinner is vastly improved if you remove articles of clothing during it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Menia and I both decided to raise ourselves to the level of wreckless abandon that Luna was at.

Menia discovered that peas taste amazing when covered in baby slobber.

 

 

We had a wonderful time together  .     .     . on the floor  .     .     . eating with our hands.

Sometimes structure can hinder your life experiences. Are you willing to give up the chance for magic in your life simply to fall within the “norm” of society? Shouldn’t you just do what brings the most joy into your life?

We think so. Give it a try. Forget the mess, forget the structure, forget the confines of what you have been told is right or acceptable and just BE.

Care to join us?

Mmmmmmm, Bacon.

*This is being used with out specific permission. I am still learning the “rules” so please forgive me if it’s yours.

Good Morning Tribe!

Today I bring you BACON.  It’s way better than that ridiculous “wheel” thing Grog brought around the other day and you can eat it. Yep! On Paleo you can most definitely eat bacon . What’s that? Oh, you can sign up in the lower right hand corner. I’m sure many people will have their opinions on the pros & cons of bacon.  I found this little cartoon* on Pinterest; it was enough to convince me. Bacon gets a bad reputation because of the other foods that are typically eaten along with it., pancakes, english muffins, and fast food bacon isn’t even a real thing; it’s a paradox.

As a note: I have absolutely no medical or health background ; I only have my deep, abiding LOVE for bacon and the dedication to maneuver all things in my life to fit bacon into my lifestyle. I guess at the end of the day you really just have to take some time to determine where you stand in your beliefs regarding bacon.

Bacon. The gods really knew what they were doing when they gave mankind this delicacy. What an amazing food! The aroma alone is so intoxicating, that prior to being Paleo(-ish) I wouldn’t even cook it at home because I just wanted to buy and eat more and more when I smelled it.  Bacon is more than just a piece of meat though. For me, it is a crucial cooking staple in various forms. I use it as cooking lard, a salad booster (I simply LOVE texture in my salads), a veggie flavor enhancer (works wonders with kids), and least of all as a breakfast food.

I buy my bacon by the pound at the meat counter and then I take it home and process it myself.

*Did you know that you could do that? Process your own food. If you’re eating the right food, processing doesn’t have to be a bad word. It simply means that you are changing it from the state at which it once was.  Chopping, dicing, slicing, grating, flavor manipulation, and cooking are all forms of processing. So are  mechanically separating your food (hot dogs), freeze drying, pre-cooking, and adding artificial flavors. You get to decide which you prefer.*

I typically buy it at my local The Fresh Market (they do BOGO sales on certain Tuesdays) or Marianos that keeps it at a fair price (for fresh). Fresh and natural, or at least as fresh (and natural) as you can find it is definitely the way to go; it makes all the difference in the taste I promise.  When I purchase my bacon, I clear my schedule for the evening so that we [bacon & I] can have some alone time.

The time I spend prepping my bacon varies from 30 mins to an hour and a half depending upon my preference for presentation, which is really only for me since my husband doesn’t eat crunchy meats. I have implemented various time-saving methods that do not affect the taste or use so I will share them with you below.

Before starting any cooking it’s important that you have all of your supplies ready ahead of time.  Here is what I use in the processing and manufacturing of my bacon:

Bacon Shears: It may be pretty difficult for the common man to find this unique kitchen tool. Notice the ergonomic handles and the Kryptonite enhanced blades; it can through bacon and  .    .    . paper with ease.

 

A Large Pan: I initially used a walled pan but, I found that collecting the lard was easier if the edges were rounded instead

A Cutting Board: I use this larger one because I don’t want to have to batch dice my cooked bacon and it has a dipped border that collects grease rather nicely. I use it for everything  except raw meat.

A Collection Jar: I always have canning jars on hand because they too are versatile and essential to my kitchen.  They now have plastic screw on lids for the smaller mouthed jars with makes them even more awesome.

Adversity: This is the modern equivalent of the stressors that would have been involved with the Pre-Hisotric Hunter-Gatherer living conditions. It encompasses all the unpredictability of the natural elements and the danger of say .     .     . a saber tooth cat.

If you’re fortunate enough to not have any distractions when cooking then take the time to breathe that in.  No matter how hard I try, I can never give my bacon the full and undivided attention it deserves. She is usually why. Your adversity could be work, a unsuppotive family, cats, dogs, general lack of cooking skills, no motivation, laziness; we all have something. Move and live or sit and be devoured by your adversity.

Other essentials include:

• Paper towels: not to be used for the bacon just for splatter clean ups
• A glass dish (plate, bakeware, Pyrex)
• Pepper or other desired spices
• A Wooden Spoon
• A Metal Spatula
• The Bacon – duh.

To begin, I start by holding 2-3 slices of bacon together in my hand over the pan, then I take my Bacon Shears and make 1″ cuts until it is more. Repeat until your entire pound of bacon is cut up. I frequently use disposable gloves when I am cooking messy foods because I have to sling my baby on and off of my hip throughout the entire cooking process so it’s easier than washing my hands over and over again or washing cold lard out of my apron.

When cooking, I set the temperature on my pan to medium-low because it is a temp that is manageable with a toddler so that my bacon doesn’t burn. I typically do other kitchen related prep work or duties while it’s cooking unless my little Luna[tic] decides that all of our cabinets need to be emptied RIGHT NOW!!!!

Once your bacon starts to brown, you can move it offsides to begin the reaping of your sweet fatty nectar. I use my metal spatula at this point to scrape the grit from the sides of the pan so it mixes with the grease. At this point, I will usually season my bacon so that the flavor transfers with my lard into the jar. Unless you already have a steady hand I recommend doing this over a foil lined cookie sheet with heat proof gloves, safety goggles, and one of those anti-radiation apron from the hospital because spilling happens and bacon grease is so hot it burns you through to your soul!    

Also, it can pop violently when you mix cold lard and hot grease, just as a FYI. The danger involved makes the relationship I have with bacon so exciting.

Typically there are 2 reaping sessions (I’ll show you how to get 2 separate flavors out of these later) per pound of bacon. Once I’ve cleared as much lard as I can from the pan, I transfer the hot bacon to my glass dish either for storing or one of the following purposes. I don’t know what the shelf life is for it in the fridge because it never last more than a few days at our house. I keep the lard in my fridge for weeks (and even months) at a time and I can’t say it’s ever gone bad.

For bacon bits, I place it in the glass dish and let it cool before I diced it into smaller pieces for my salads.

For veggies and mixing with my on-the-go breakfast (later), I leave the bacon more fatty so it adds more flavor when it is rendered.

For my breakfast, I typically dice it with onions, mushrooms, and broccoli then add it to my eggs.

The nice thing about lard is that it is a really nice “oil” to cook with; from eggs and paleo pancakes to salads and desserts, it just makes everything taste better.  The benefit to flavoring your lard is to be able to adapt your flavors to your dish whatever it may be.

THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!   I have seen a bacon milkshake, people.

What do you do with your bacon? Spill your stories below.

On the 7th Day, She Rested . . . Sort of

I have been sick.  Now for anyone who actually knows me rest for me is still work for everyone else. I’m of the ‘mind over matter‘ belief that says you can will yourself healthy just by pushing through. So that’s what I did because that’s what I do despite all the advice to the contrary.     YA’LL DON’T OWN ME!!

So, I decided to do some food prep and freezing while I was sick because nuthin’ says lovin’ like germs; plus it’s more paleo.  So I baked 2 spaghetti squash, 2 butternut squash, 1 acorn squash, and a baking dish full of po-ta-toes (peeled, sliced, & seasoned). While those were in the oven, I washed, peeled, grated, cubed, bagged, and froze 6 zucchini, 5 yellow squash, countless spring peppers (the little colorful guys), and brussel sprouts.

Once the large squash were cooked, I removed the “shell” on the outside, put the spaghetti squash into two separate glass baking dishes; one for Shepard’s pie and one for meatloaf (meatloaf double beatloaf, I HATE meatloaf – sorry, it’s like a compulsion I literally cannot say meatloaf [out loud] without saying this phrase every single time). I actually love meatloaf though, both as a musician and an entrée.

I took the butternut and acorn squash added a little bit of coconut oil and pulverized it in my Ninja to make and freeze some homemade completely organic baby food for my friend. It’s one of my shower gifts to her; it seemed senseless to just send her home with the hardware as though she will have time to make food with a screaming baby – be serious! It takes a village.

So that was the first day (1-2-14) my body started sending me illness signals but to that I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

The next day (1-3-14), I decided to finish cleaning out the cabinets of anything non paleo so BYE-BYE: pasta, canned soups, and all things sweets and grains. After they were all boxed up to be donated, I wiped the cabinets cleaned and started from scratch.  You’d be shocked at how much cabinet space you have when you throw away all your food.  **As a note: I donated it to a person; I didn’t just throw it away so RELAX.**  Then I did some Yoga and planks! Then I felt like I was going to throw up .     .     . WHICH MEANS IT’S WORKING!

By the weekend, it was freezing outside and I just wanted to stay under the covers. I mustered enough energy to go grocery shopping and go workout at the gym because, “I felt GREAT!” By the time I finally pepped myself up enough to open my car door and bare the 10 yard sprint to the door, I had already lost the motivation but, I went in anyway.  I swam, relaxed in the hot tub, and steamed for about 10 mins.  I am pretty sure I astrally projected while I was sitting and meditating in the hot tub because I left my healthy body and returned to this sick one. Or maybe the heat just activated my germs, I don’t know! I’m not a man of SCIENCE! Or medicine, which is more appropriate anyhow.

After I came home from the gym in this dumpy, sickly body, I threw myself upon the mercy of the awaiting bed which was occupied by my husband and a screaming toddler so no mercy did I receive.  At that point I hopped back up, changed a diaper, washed some diapers, folded laundry picked up laundry that Luna unfolded, decided to say, “Fuck laundry” today and dumped it all in the basket.

Then I whined  .     .     . which I do when I’m sick but I don’t really want anything I just want to whine  .     .     . and have someone give me sympathy. It’s like a whine/sigh/mild temper tantrum; I’m sure it’s adorable.

And then I slept, blogged, gagged over the baby’s snot bubbles, and took a long bath with her because it’s more paleo.

AND, I ate 2 cookies. I KNOW! I KNOW! But they were just sitting there side by side calling to me with their hard off brand m&ms.

“Hey, you? Yeah, I know you feel awful girl. I know your body’s aching and your throat hurts. I’ve got something for that.  It’s: Flour, Margarine, (Liquid Soybean Oil and Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Whey, Sodium Benzoate and Citric Acid (Preservatives), Vegetable Mono and Diglycerides, Artificial Flavor and that’s just for starters.”

“Oh my, I don’t know if I should bring both of you home; what if my husband wants to share?”

“Oh no baby. We were made just for you; he doesn’t have to know. Nobody has to know; it’ll be our little secret.”

“Oh, stop talking please. I don’t .  .  . indulge anymore; I’ve moved on. I have carrots and almond butter at home; I’ll be just fine.”

“Why do you want to make yourself suffer. You’re beautiful baby and there’s nothing we can do to change that, just one more time?”

“FINE.”

It was fine, until I got sick .     .     . IT WAS THE COOKIES!     Crime solved, take that science!

It is currently very early Monday morning, I haven’t slept yet and I’m still doing my Yoga. I found a sequence that is supposed to loosen up your chest so hopefully I can heal myself or at least clear enough of it so I can lay down and breathe at the same time.

I didn’t write this to impress anyone; it’s just the way I work. “I like to go fast.”  I hope that you simply see it as a triumph against adversity or a form of dedication or maybe just a crazy drive that keeps you moving on your path.

During the last 2 days of my non-illness I haven’t been eating much but, I will post a couple of meals I’ve made over the next week.

Tomorrow, (maybe even later today) I will be posting my basic measurements and telling you how to measure yours as well.

Also, I will begin our healing journey together with a Statement of Intentions for myself and you, the reader.

A Whole New Year

I really tried to get blogging mastered last year but apparently 2014 is actually my year to accomplish that task so here we go.

For a few months last year I went Paleo-ish.  I found this amazing natural health doctor (whose name I refuse to give) and when I brought my baby Luna to him to see about her scaly rash spots he suggested cutting all grains and all dairy. I thought, ‘Well that’s half of my diet,’ but, I said “Okay.”

When I returned home, I immediately researched diets with no grains and no dairy and came across The Paleo Diet. I visited many different pages and read many different reviews and testimonials and the tagline for people who go on this diet would be: Paleo, it’s more than a diet, it’s a lifestyle!  

Okay so try to follow me on this tangent.  I imagine this statement being said in a very monster truck rally rock voice with super metal mashed up with cave people band music like from Caveman featuring a Mr. Richard Starkey (extra points if you can tell me who this is without looking it up – we’ll have to use the honor system).  Don’t be a cheater! Anyway, so if anyone can make an audio clip of what I hear in my head based on that description; that would be awesome.

They’re kinda right by the way. I didn’t even commit to it hardcore and I can list tons of noticeable differences that appeared fairly quickly in my life and that just made me wanna go Paleo crazy.  After that I was hooked and I started to use paleo in more abstract terms. For me it brought forth many different words that connected to it; tribal, (mother) natural, ancient, holistic, shamanic, communal living, spiritual oneness with the earth, free loving hippie shit.    AND THEN  .           .          .   I had to reign myself back in a little bit and take it piece by piece.  So, I tried to think in terms of a cave person (equal opportunist here) and what life would have been like, back then, during cave people times and I applied [my interpretation of it] into every [literally every] area of my life.

Cloth Diapers – more paleo

Birth Control – less paleo

Co-Sleeping – more paleo

A Family Bed – super paleo

Unschooling – more paleo

Eating with your hands – more paleo

Breastfeeding – totally paleo

Wilderness Training – sort of paleo

Cody Lundin – So paleo he doesn’t wear shoes (he’s my Hero)

Using shampoo – not paleo

Using coconut oil like the guy in My Big Fat Greek Wedding uses Windex – incredibly paleo

And so it became a comedic line for my husband to say when I would be getting on my soapbox about something (which I do frequently) and so the phrase, “It’s More Paleo!” was born.

I started going on the Paleo path (April 2013) and then I left the trail (September 2013).

I went off because .  .  . I got lazy and fall came and “OH NO! I can’t go a season without making cookies! I just CAN’T!” And so I made batch after batch of delicious homemade cookies filed with love (and later regret – which is when they started tasting like crap). And then I realized, ‘boy I sure do have a lot of pasta I need to get rid of if I’m going to really be Paleo,’ so we ate nothing but, pasta and faux pasta (you know the freeze-dried, processed ones in the tear top bags).

You would think the madness would stop there but, oh no my friends allow me to take you further down this rabbit hole of indulgence and despair; being slightly dramatic for emphasis here – SLIGHTLY!  At this point I am physically so exhausted from filling my body with garbage (ultra processed, sugar laden carbohydrates) that we just eat out because I am too tired to cook. And .     .     . *cue my whiny girl voice here* .    .    . being Paleo is really hard (it does take commitment) and its expensive (it can be) and I love carbs (who doesn’t?!) but, I LOVE carbs (of course, they’re addictive).

Even after all that backsliding, I’m going to drag my ass out of the delicious donut hole I got myself into and give paleo living another try and hopefully build a community along the way because there’s more to food than just eating it and there’s more to the world than just being in it.  **Awwww, that was a beautiful sentiment from yours truly, you’re welcome.** So I am going to begin with FOOD  .  .  . glorious food, we’re anxious to try it.

Now, let it be stated at this point that I am not a chef but, I do like to cook.  Food preparation is a very self nurturing act but, there is definitely something to be said for the Culinary Arts because presentation is just that; ART.  I hope to get the right people together to show you beautiful food on here someday. Until then please accept my real life best attempt to make it look edible.

**You know those FAIL pics on the Pinterest? I hope to fall somewhere between the actual pin and the fail.

Here’s a DISCLAIMER: You’ll most definitely come across things on here that do not fit the standard paleo, primal, vegan, raw, organic foodie’s specs but, you will also come across food that is a whole shitload healthier that what you’re probably currently eating.  You’ll also encounter foul language (that’s part of the “detoxification” process).  My goal is to simplify this process for the everyman, for the poor man, for the AmeriCAN.  yeah!

I am going to embark upon a paleo .  .  . primal .  .  . holistic .  .  .  let’s just say a healing journey of sorts which include both inner and outer work.   And I am going to bring you right along with me because we’re all just part of one really big tribe.